I never played any of the Sims games. You wouldn’t expect that I’d have missed the whole franchise, one of the most popular ever. I avoided it purposely. With the intention of finding better games, and being too cheap to invest in it. But now it is free. The Sims Freeplay has infested my iPads.
It has many emotional and rational social puzzles to it. It was one thing in Skyrim, which is a fantasy universe, to marry the woman of my choice. But in the Sims it felt quite different, and more realistic somehow. Is this my own alternate life? Do I create my partner, and remain monogamous in the alternate world? I feel guilty about flirting with my Sim 
creations of legendary beauties, Lindsey Bleuth from Arrested Development, and Playboy Playmate of the year Sara Jean Underwood. Does my Sim stay home watching movies and cuddling with my partner per usual, or does she stray? And would she give my Sim partner free reign to do the same?
In a perfect world I would be a paid theoretical physicist, and work as a scientist in the game along with Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hoffstader. Howard Wolowitz is my younger brother, and Amy, Raj and Bernadette all work at the centrally located science building with us too. Lunch hours would be epic.
Now I see why this game has been appealing. It has several good elements. I focus it through the lens of previous tiny computer people games. The gardening and the landscaping, as well as the interior decorating are bringing back nostalgic feelings from Animal Crossing on the original phat NDS. It wasn’t surprising to read in the Wiki that this version of The Sims game originated for DS.
There are pets and a pet shop, but it is no Nintendogs. The dog I was given originally brings in a good income through digging up stuff in the yard, he is the ultimate picker and never takes a cut, except for some praise and hand shaking. Why don’t we have to feed and groom these animals?
There are no food dishes for them, or supplies for their care. Occasionally the dog gets hidden in a corner of the house and is difficult to find. The Pet Shop, worth ten thousand hard earned simoleans, was a let down. There isn’t an interior. It is a rotating menu with a limited amount of dogs. No toy dogs are available either, a major sin.
The game takes place in annoying adherence to real time. The usual clock tricks that are used to exploit other iOS games, don’t seem to work here. The Sims are always on a race against time. The missions of the game are called goals. By completing them you gain Life Points which are your basic skill or ability points. With those you can buy additional properties or if in a jam, you can use them to finalize a work day or a building going up, in no time. At times, you are told to hurry up and get five Sims together for a party, to bake cookies or watch a movie. But not all of the Sims may be out of work yet.
They live a workhouse life style. The main house where Harriet and Rainbow Wolowitz live has several garden plots for mass gardening. The Sims who are unemployed work there around the clock. No deep sleeps. When I chill out for the night they have expresso and plant onions which take ten hours. Those that have to go to work in the morning grow tomatoes which are six hour plants. Then they get more expresso, a turbo snack, a power nap and a quick rinse shower. There are two coffee makers at the work house which really speeds things up. If there is time they raise carrots or bell peppers until it is time to go to work. The peppers turn around every thirty seconds, so by the time you harvest and replant one end of the row the first ones will be ready to pick. The carrots take five minutes and gives the goddess Sou-sou, of their world more time to breathe. Generally between them and the dog they make about $1500.00 per hour for three Sims and the dog, gardening at the same time. The work is slow and requires determination. In order to advance the game without real money, you must have no life, or the type of job where you are waiting for phone calls to come in.
Adding Sims that you intend to be Partners at the beginning will save hard earned simoleans. Once they cohabitate, the house goes up for sale again, at an increased price. Every-time you build a business, buy a house, or add a Sim the costs of everything inflates exponentially. The Sims lives march at their own pace. It may take a day to afford a bathtub or a stereo that you need to complete a Goal. Though the relationships operate at full speed. You can have two Sims either same or opposite sex, fall in love and move in together in just a few minutes. They are down right eager to get down to their underwear and WooHoo! for you at the drop of a hat. Or a garden trowel.
The is often debate about the adult nature of the Sims. Although body parts are blurred out, the characters do spin around and end up in underwear before bathing, or woohoo-ing. One of the Goals is to take a shower with Rich Lather, and then “go seduce another Sim.” the game is not age gated, and seems to be intended for older teens and adults, not kids.
There wasn’t a ceremony, or even much of a prompt from the game. They just became partners after a few Be Romantic minutes and a few Kiss on the Cheek which were only ten seconds. Once they were Partners the offering of Ask to Move In became an option for one of the partners. They looked at both houses, and suddenly they had the same name. The first couple took the last name of my original character, and the hetero couple turned out the name Amy Cooper Phd.
My scenario is Big Bang Theory meets Arrested Development, Parks and Rec and The Girls Next Door, with the addition of myself and a partner. Sort of. Making the characters is the most fun in the game. I wish there was a way to macro somethings like all the trips to the toilet, and complete daily necessities. Sheldon seems to need to pee constantly, and Rainbow is always getting tired.
There are some things about the Sims world that are from backwards day. The corn grows upside down like tomatoes, instead of up stalks like real corn. Pink onions take ten hours to grow, and sell presumably wholesale, for three hundred a bunch.
Then there is the “language” of The Sims the famous “simlish”. It is a non language. Made up from gibberish and nonsensical phrases, a bit like scientology. The written language are wingding fonts and astrological symbols. Probably originating on the old PC computer that the first Sims we created on. Further work has been done in attempts to quantify the language by fans. As well as many recording artists who have provided simlish lyrics versions of their hits for previous games. Including: The Black Eyed Peas, Lily Allen, BareNaked Ladies, Aly & AJ, Drew Carey, Depeche Mode, The Flaming Lips, Pussycat Dolls, Natasha Bedingfield, Paramore, Neon Trees, Katy Perry, and Pixie Lott.
The Sims is all about the management of minutiae, and multiple multi tasking. You do the math, you get results. The environment is tiny and static. Nothing moves except for tiny cars milling around tracks aimlessly going no where. You can’t do any exploration, or walk your Sim very far from its territory. It isn’t as deep as many other games which have capitalized on its software and improved upon the formula. Putting it up against the MMO’s, RPG’s, RTS for iPad, it doesn’t stand against the competition. As a free game, it is perfectly fine. Unless you succumb to impatience, you aren’t inhibited from playing or completing the game without paying anything in real money.
What is with the disagreeable trend to have games that you play outside of Facebook, wanting you to log in to it? I despise Facebook. However to test the Cloud Save function for the review, I created accounts for my character. It took several tries over several days to get the process to Login and upload. I may not have the game on my iPads much longer anyways since the review is done. The information supposedly only stays in the Cloud for seven days.
It is perhaps the ultimate time waster, an alternate reality where a solid days work farming brings in a steady, consistent income. Rain or shine, in the Sims world there is no excitement, other than having the ability to live vicariously in a version of earth without tornadoes, disease, and war. The Sims is the opposite of extreme gaming. It is the game which sits across from Grand Theft Auto on the color wheel. It is the cool blues of gaming, posed against the hot reds of conflict. I give The Sims Freeplay 6 watermelons out of 10. Nevash Naluka!